[BEST] Funny Status for Whatsapp in English (2019)

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[BEST] Funny Status for Whatsapp in English (2019)

Funny Whatsapp Status: Best Funny Status to share on Whatsapp and Facebook.

➤Dear Karma, I have a list of people you missed.

➤Where there is a will, there are 100

➤It’s better to fail than to cheat but its better to cheat than to repeat.

➤I need 6 months’ vacation, twice a year.

➤I am not stubborn, I am just always right.

➤Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.

➤Life is too short. Don’t waste it removing pen drive safely.

➤I should have come with a manual. I confuse myself.

➤For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember that’s where the knives are kept.

➤The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

➤As long as there are tests, there will be prayers in schools.

➤When everything’s coming your way, you are in the wrong lane.

Funny Status in English

➤If you can’t convince them, confuse them

➤Whenever I find key to success, someone changes the lock.

➤I can handle pain until it hurts.

➤Even fools seem smart when they are quiet

➤ “It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”

➤If I ever need a heart transplant, I’d want my ex’s. It’s never been used.

➤Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.

➤A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.

➤If I wanted to kill myself I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

➤Two wrongs don’t make a right, take your parents as an example.

 

Funny Status for Whatsapp in One Line

➤Take my advice — I’m not using it.

➤I’m really good at stuff until people watch me do that stuff.

➤My job is secure. No one else wants it.

➤For maximum attention, nothing beats a good mistake.

➤Whatever you do always give 100 %. Unless you are donating blood.

➤My wife told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy… so I got drunk.

➤A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.

➤Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

➤My wallet is like onion, opening it makes me cry.

Funny Status Lines

➤I love my job only when I am on vacation

➤Don’t Live Your Life on Assumptions!! They are Best kept for Physics and Maths!!

➤If I’d shot you sooner, I’d be out of jail by now.

➤I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

➤Any room is a panic room if you’ve lost your phone in it.

➤It must be difficult to post inspirational status when your blood type is B Negative.

➤The best things in life are free *plus shipping and handling*

Funny One Liner

➤The question I have not been able to answer is “What… does a woman want?”

➤Marriage is like going to a restaurant and order your choice from the menu, And then look at neighboring table n wish you”d ordered that.

➤If life gives you questions, Google gives you answers.

➤The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

➤Boys think of girls like books; if the cover doesn’t catch their eyes, they won’t even bother to read what’s inside.

➤Money can’t buy happiness, but it pays for internet, which is pretty much the same thing.

➤I speak two languages, Body and English.

➤How can I miss something I never had?

Funny One Liners for Whatsapp Status

➤I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at school.

➤Kiss me and you will see how important I am.

➤If you can’t find the key to success, change the damn lock.

➤Everything I like is either Illegal, Immoral, Fattening, Addictive, Expensive, or Impossible.

➤Teacher: Who can explain gender discrimination with an example? Student: Women can sleep with whoever they want, men have to sleep with whoever lets them.

Funny Whatsapp Status in English

➤Do you know the meaning of ABCDEF? A boy can do everything for Girl.

➤Reverse the meaning of, GFEDCBA … Girl forgets everything done & Catches new boy Again.

➤There are a lot of fish in the sea, but I think there’s a hole in my net. 

➤Want to learn how to dance? Have a cold shower today at midnight, I bet, You’ll rock like SHAKIRA. Wakkawakka

➤If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

➤The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Funny Status for Friends

➤Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.

➤If money grew on trees – girls wouldn’t mind dating monkeys.

➤Why is abbreviation such a long word?

➤When I’m on my deathbed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…

➤Love is 1 drink and 2 Marriage is “Don’t you think you’ve had enough!”

➤Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.

Funny Status about Love

➤Excuse me is your last name Gillette? …because you are the best a man can get!

➤When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

➤The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

➤If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

➤I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried – but they wanted cash.

➤The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think.

Funny Status on Life

➤While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.

➤Lovely days in my life: Childhood Days, School Days & collage Days, Horrible days in my life: ONLY EXAM DAYS.

➤Girls fall in love with what they hear. Boys fall in love with what they see. That’s why girls wear makeup and boys lie.

➤If couples who are in love are called LOVE BIRDS, then couples who always argue should be called ANGRY BIRDS.

➤Most mothers feed their babies with little spoons and forks. What do Chinese mothers use? Toothpick?

➤Sorry, I can’t hang out. My uncle’s cousin’s sister in law’s best friend’s insurance agent’s roommate’s pet goldfish died. Maybe next time.

 

Funny Status Quotes

➤C.L.A.S.S – Come Late And Start Sleeping.

➤Young love is two hearts with only one thing in mind.

➤I’ll be a billionaire once I’m done inventing this device that lets you punch people in the face over the Internet.

➤If you stop telling lies about me, I’ll stop telling the truth about you.

➤The hardest job facing kids today is to learn good manners without seeing any.

➤Remember, when she cancels a date she has to But when he cancels a date he has TWO.

➤A man asks a trainer in the gym: I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use? Trainer replies: Use the AT

 

Funny Status for Girls

➤Women only need 5 inches to achieve maximum pleasure, it’s called a credit card.

➤Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

➤Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.

➤You and your rumors have two things in common, you’re both fake and you both get around.

➤If life gives you lemons, squirt them in your enemy’s eye.

➤I’m the person that the more you complain about me, the harder I’ll try to annoy you.

➤Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left.

➤Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Funny Status for Boyfriend

➤Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.

➤If swimming is an exercise then why do whales are fat.

➤ “Always be true to yourself” because you only lie to others!

➤You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.

➤The awkward moment when you know you shouldn`t laugh, but you do.

➤Money doesn`t bring happiness, but shopping does.

➤Don`t you know it`s rude to talk while I`m interrupting?

 

 

Funny Quotes

➤A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world.

➤Some wise guy created Whatsapp…..and his wife added last seen feature.

➤I feel like I should clean the house, so I am going to lay down and nap until that feeling passes.

➤People are making end of the world jokes. Like there is no tomorrow.

➤People who write “u” instead of “you”. What do you do with all the time you save?

➤Everything on this earth is self-centered, the difference is the radius.

➤The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!

➤I only drink on two occasions: when it’s my birthday and when it’s not.

➤Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

➤Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?

➤My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.

➤I am so poor, I can’t even pay attention

➤I have not failed, my success is just postponed for some time.

➤One person’s LOL is another person’s WTF.

➤I will be back before you pronounce afjkhnfknlfueufuancakhufhjcnk.

➤Knowledge is like underwear, important to have, but not necessary to show off.

➤Life is too short to update WhatsApp statuses

Funny Whatsapp Status Ideas

➤Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe, one day, you’ll find a brain back there

➤I don’t make mistakes. I date them.

➤If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

➤You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.

➤I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

➤Isn’t it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.

➤I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

➤I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.

➤If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

➤Never laugh at your girlfriend’s choices… you are one of them.

➤When I call a family meeting I turn off the house wifi and wait for them all to come running.

➤On a scale of 1 to 10, I’m a 15

➤A day without sunshine is like, night.

➤A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

➤100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?

➤Death is hereditary.

➤I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.

➤If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot.

➤Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a brighter day.

➤Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.

➤You never know what you have until you clean your room.

➤With great power comes great electricity bill.

➤A jealous woman does better research than FBI.

➤People say you cannot live without love, I think oxygen is more important.

➤Life is not a fairytale, if you miss your shoe at night, you are drunk.

➤Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.

➤If only closed minds came with closed mouths.

➤My ex had one very annoying habit. Breathing.

➤I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.

➤Easiest way to feel smart is sharing smart quotes.

➤Sometimes it hurts physically to hold in my sarcastic comments.

➤Everyone atleast needs one friendship..based on sarcasm and flirt.

➤If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question.

➤People like you are the reason, people like me need meditation.

➤I tried my best to see things from your point of view, but your point of view is stupid.

➤You bring out the best insults in me.

➤You are offended by the things I say? Imagine the things I hold back!

➤Words cannot express how much I don’t care

➤I am not single. I am in a long-term relationship with fun and freedom.

➤Don’t make me mess your world up with the truth.

➤I don’t like morning people..or morning.. or people!

➤The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

➤If you’re born in the month of September, it is pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

➤Old fart, young heart.

➤Life is not a fairy tale, If you lose a shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

➤Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

➤Females are really funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthdays.

➤I wonder how on my birthday I get presents and money. I get paid for being born. It is like being Kim Kardashian for a day.

➤I’m not 30, I’m 17 with 13 years of experience!

➤How to kill all your enemies? SMILE. 

➤Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened.

➤I was gonna make you a rum cake but now I am drunk this is just a cake.

➤Enjoy your day, you’re not extinct yet!

➤No, there can’t be a crisis today. The boss is on leave.

➤My fate line shows a long road with a lot of traffic jams!

➤I drink to forget I drink.

➤Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.

➤ETC – End of Thinking Capacity.

➤I Graduated from the University of Selfies!

➤My study period = 15 My break time = 3 hours.

➤I Think The Woman Who Invented The Phrase “All Men Are The Same” Was A Chinese Woman Who Lost Her Husband In The Crowd.

➤If You`Re Texting Two People At The Same Time, You Are Bi-textual.

➤I desperately need a fixed income – Mine is broken.

➤Why’s NASA never sent a woman to the Moon? Because it doesn’t need cleaning yet.

➤Whoever says “Good Morning” on Monday’s deserves to get slapped.

➤Women love shoes because no matter how much & whatever they eat, the shoe always fits.

➤Marriage is like a workshop. Husband works and my wife shops.

➤Status Unavailable, please try and reload again.

➤Phones are better than GF, At least we can switch it off.

➤I wonder what happens when doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.

➤Am gonna Make my Status………….better you too Focus on your Status only.

➤when nothing seems right then go left.Hey there! I am not using whatsapp.

➤Me and my wife lived happily for 25 years… And then we met…!

➤Too busy to update a status.

➤You don’t have to like me….I am not a facebook status. Jidharapna CRUSH hai, udharhichsala RUSH hai and filhaaltimepass k liye only CANDYCRUSH he.

➤Attitude!

➤People with status don’t need status.

➤Sometimes I just wish I’ could fast forward the time to see if, in the end, it’s all worth it.

➤A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

➤I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

➤If school has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking.

➤I hate people who steal my ideas before I think of them.

➤All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.

➤Try to say the letter M without your lips touching.

➤I used to like my neighbors until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.

➤Admit it, you listen to other strangers conversations and mentally give your opinion.

➤Dear Google, thank you for doing most of my homework for me.

➤Girls work on their looks but not their minds because they know boys are stupid, not blind.

➤I hate when people all of a sudden decide to be funny when I am drinking something.

➤God made everything that has life, rest everything is made in China.

➤For all the girls that say ….. All guys are the same …… Who told you to try them ALL.

➤I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday.

➤If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.

➤Dear Google, Please stop behaving like a GIRL. Will u please allow me to complete the whole sentence before you start guessing & suggesting.

➤Definition of a human being: a creature that cuts trees, makes paper & write “SAVE TREES” on the same paper.- say no to exams.

➤We also read these funny pages in leisure time.

➤Thanks to Google, Wikipedia, and whoever the hell invented copy and paste. Thank you Guys.

➤I don’t believe that love comes to those who wait. Today love comes to those who flirt. LOLz.

➤Dear Food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

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